The Top 5 Truths about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Oakland
Why Therapy is for Everyone: Insights From a Therapist in Oakland That You Should Know
If you have past experience in therapy, you may know quite a lot about what to expect from your therapist and the therapeutic process. As the field of therapy is evolving, so are we as therapists. I recently wrote a blog about the top 5 myths about therapy where I tried to dispel some of the misconceptions about psychotherapy and speak in generalities about what you can expect in therapy. Here are some real benefits of therapy that go beyond treating mental illness and talk about why therapy can be proactive.
Therapy in Oakland is not one size fits all
Therapists in Oakland are as diverse and varied as the people who live here both in their identities, but also in how they work with people. Even if your therapist is drawing from a specific theoretical orientation or approach, good therapists are flexible. For example, if there is a lull or it feels like what you thought you wanted to work on is no longer important to you, you and your therapist should be able to change course. In my practice, I check in with the people I work with fairly regularly to see how things are going and if the goals we have set still feel relevant or like priority. I also ask about what is and isn’t working. Open communication with your therapist is important for you to get what you are needing and a sign of trust in your therapist and the relationship you are building.
Understanding the Role of a Therapist in Oakland
Therapists in Oakland are not here to give advice or to tell you what to think or do. Believe it or not, our job is not to psychoanalyze or judge you. While you are coming to us as someone who is knowledgeable about mental health and illness, we are not the experts on you. You are. I understand it might not feel great to hear this, especially if you are in crisis and are looking for someone to have all the answers. My goal is not to “fix” you because there isn’t anything inherently wrong with you. There is a lot wrong with society and the structures we live inside of though. What therapists like myself can do for you is help you explore your self worth with compassion and to develop a healthier, more positive relationship with yourself. Developing more self-love impacts everything and everyone you interact with and cannot be underestimated.
Therapy can also provide you with guidance and clarity to navigate life transitions and make significant life decisions in alignment with your values. I can help you explore your options and the benefits and costs of the choices you have available to you and how to align your decisions with your values.
Therapy in Oakland as a Tool for Personal Growth
Therapy can help with shifting one’s mindset in profound ways. Perhaps you have heard that our brains are like teflon to positive and velcro to negative thoughts? Over the course of human evolution, our brains have been hardwired to look for threat, to remember negative experiences and to discard positive ones. In our day to day lives, we can overemphasize the negative without even realizing it. This tendency of ours makes us irritable and is more likely to be a source of anxiety and sadness than being beneficial or necessary for our survival. While it’s really important to look at what isn’t going well for you and to make room for negative feelings and experiences, sometimes therapy can over-focus on what is wrong.
As your therapist in Oakland, I believe that therapy is also about focusing on what is going well for you and making what is already good even better. We will identify your strengths, values and what brings you joy to make what is already good in your life even better. Personal growth happens when there is an openness to seeing your positive attributes and what you offer to the people you love and your community. When you can acknowledge and honor your inherent value and worth as a human being, you can improve your quality of life, reduce internal conflict you feel toward yourself, identify and move toward alignment with your core values, take risks in service of a more meaningful or fulfilling life, continue to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills to be able to meet your own needs, build more effective communication and stronger relationships, and ultimately take in and feel more of the positive. Many people start therapy because they are in distress and hoping for relief, but many folks also seek therapy as a tool for personal growth and even transformation.
Therapy in Oakland Takes Time
You don’t have to be in therapy forever, but therapy is a process that does take time. Many people don’t realize that having a good relationship with your therapist is a big part of what is therapeutic and leads to healing. Therapy isn’t about getting to some pre-determined endpoint - It’s a about the process of self-examination, self-discovery, and self-learning with your therapist. Some therapies are short-term or time-limited either because the therapy was designed to be brief or because of limitations imposed by health insurance companies. There are some types of therapy that happen in as few a 1-3 sessions. Most therapies last several months on average. If you aren’t constrained by money or insurance, some folks engage in therapy for years. It’s actually all okay! In my opinion, as long as you are benefitting from the process, it doesn’t really matter how long it takes. What does matter is that you are getting something out of therapy. Honesty, while at times hard, is necessary for there to be mutual trust and confidence in the therapeutic process and for you to make progress. Open communication with your therapist is necessary for healing. It is as, if not more, important than any skills or tools you are hoping to learn. The more forthcoming, honest and open you can be with me, the better and faster the results.
I take a relational, psychodynamic approach (and draw from other approaches as well) which is more exploratory and often involves looking at the past to address the root causes of your pain. This type of deep healing takes time. It also takes trust and a readiness to do the hard work of therapy. While many of my clients feel better after working together a short-time, they often choose to work with me for years because there is so much to uncover and learn. Therapy is an investment in you. I believe you deserve to feel happy and find contentment in life and I want to help you achieve that.
Therapy in Oakland is a Team Effort
Therapy is a collaborative and active process on both your part and the part of the therapist. It is work. At times you may dread therapy or feel drained after a session. You may also find yourself looking forward to the time in the week where you get to talk to your therapist knowing they are invested in you and your wellbeing. Mixed feelings are normal and part of the process. You’ll just want to pay attention to this. If you are having more negative feelings than positive ones about therapy, it’s important to bring this up. Maybe your therapist can adjust their style, approach or even the focus of therapy with you to better support you.
The benefits of therapy should extend beyond your weekly sessions. A lot of therapies rely on you working toward your goals both inside of sessions and in the time in between outside of the therapy room. Talking about problems alone isn’t enough to improve your situation. My hope for you is to see improvements in your relationships and your overall mental wellbeing and quality of life.
Therapy in Oakland with me is NOT homework-based, but I do hope to provide you with skills and strategies that can be practiced or applied outside of our sessions. Usually we start by exploring how you think and I will offer another perspective for you to try on. I understand that many times people are overwhelmed and can’t imagine adding one more thing to their to-do list. We will consider what can be taken off your plate before adding more for you to do, assuming you are even wanting to explore changing your actions. I think that taking very small steps or making tiny adjustments is one of the better ways to succeed in making any kind of lasting behavioral change. Any suggestions I might make are just that - suggestions. So you get to decide what would work best for you and whether or not you even want to build new habits or try on new ways of approaching a situation.
Enhancing Emotional Intelligence with Therapy in Oakland
All Emotions are Welcome. Whether or not you are struggling with overwhelming emotions, therapy can teach everyone valuable skills to regulate and express their emotions. Exploring and understanding your emotions and finding healthy ways to express them is central to the therapeutic process. To me All emotions are welcome because our feelings provide us with really important information about what you are experiencing and needing. Emotions help us survive, grow and connect to others. We respond to our environment through our emotions–they provide critical signals that help us with survival. Sometimes our responses are adaptive and promote wellbeing and other times our reactions to our environment can teach us about ourselves, how we experience the world and others, and can get us unstuck.
While some people experience relief almost immediately, it isn’t uncommon for people to feel worse as they start to examine difficult feelings or past traumas. It’s natural that talking about hard things will lead to intense feelings. Therapy can help with managing intense emotions.
Building Stronger Relationships Through Therapy in Oakland
The therapeutic relationship can be really trippy and nothing is off limits! It can be a real luxury (and is a privilege) to have an hour where you can focus on your needs and trust that your therapist is there to support your wellbeing. By exploring and examining our relationship with one another, we can learn a lot about you and your relationships outside of therapy. Something I think people don’t realize is that you can practice different ways of being or interacting in your relationships with your therapist. I don’t just mean role playing, but I mean you get to bring parts of yourself that you may have been afraid to express in “real life”. It’s okay to get angry, to feel really sad or to gloat about your successes without fearing how your therapist might react. Of course, I am a person with feelings, but as a client, you don’t need to take care of me. Many people I work with tend to caretake others to the point of neglecting themselves and their own needs.
As your therapist in Oakland, I will invite you to let me know how what I say or do makes you feel and I may do the same with you. The hope is for me to create enough safety for you to share any emotions you are feeling about therapy or toward me. You can be open and honest with me about our relationship without any repercussions. Therapy provides you with an opportunity to practice being how you are without having to take care of someone else or protect yourself from another. If you tell me you are upset with me, we can think together about what is happening between us, how I may have misunderstood you or spoken in a way that hurt or, conversely, I could affirm what feels supportive to you. We’ll start by identify the feelings you are having in the first place. By talking about your feelings, you can learn to communicate what you are feeling in a healthy and constructive way. This process of finding ways to communicate what you are feeling in therapy can help you enhance and build better relationships in your life.
It’s okay to ask questions in Therapy in Oakland
The origin of psychotherapy is Eurocentric and many of us have been trained to be more of a “blank slate”, not sharing much or anything about who we are, our beliefs or personal lives. I do think the notion of boundaries is super important, primarily for the therapist to interact in a professional and appropriate way and to keep the focus on you (rather than them). Have you ever had a therapist who overshared? Or conversely, did you feel like you didn’t know enough about your therapist to feel connected or like they could relate to you? You should feel comfortable with both the therapist you are working with and also the therapy process. Many times people feel that knowing more about their therapist could be really helpful. Others may prefer to know less about their therapist. Either way, as your therapist in Oakland, we will discuss how you feel about therapist self-disclosure and whether we think this is something that could be of use to you. At times, I may wish to explore where some of your questions are stemming from before deciding on whether or how to answer some questions. We will check in about how it feels to know more about me and whether it is useful, distracting or something else.
My advice to you is that if you are getting the vibe that you shouldn’t ask questions, ask a question about it :)
The Truth About Therapy in Oakland: Breaking Down Stigmas and Overcoming Misconceptions about Therapy
I hope that by sharing some of these truths about therapy in Oakland, you have a better understanding that therapy extends far beyond the treatment of mental illness. Therapy is a sign of strength and not a weakness. Therapy is not just about solving your problem. It is a powerful tool for enhancing your overall wellbeing.
As an experienced anxiety and trauma therapist in Oakland, I can help you experience the full benefits that therapy offers - from personal growth, building stronger relationships, managing stress, navigating life transitions to improving emotional intelligence. Are you ready to find more fulfillment and balance in life and improved ability to manage life’s stressors with greater resilience? I specialize in anxiety and depression, online therapy in California and mixed race identity issues. Contact me today to schedule your initial consultation and take the first step towards improving every aspect of your life with a trusted therapist in Oakland.
