Parenting Anxiety: Signs, Symptoms & Help from an Anxiety Therapist in Oakland
Parenting in Oakland, CA, comes with its own set of challenges. Between the rising cost of living, long commutes, and the pressure to provide the best opportunities for your children, it’s no wonder so many parents feel stretched thin. You want to be the “best” parent you can be—to raise happy, healthy, and successful kids—but the weight of perfectionism, financial stress, and the demands of modern life can leave you feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, or unsure of how to guide your children effectively. And maybe you want your kids to be kind of perfect themselves or at least just easier to parent. If you’re struggling to set boundaries, wondering how to discipline without yelling, or feeling guilty when you can’t give your kids everything they want, you are not alone.
As an anxiety therapist in Oakland, I’ve spoken to many parents who find themselves lying awake at night, worrying about their child’s future, questioning whether they’re doing enough, or feeling like they’re never quite measuring up. These feelings are part of what’s known as parenting anxiety, and they’re more common than you might think. Parenting anxiety isn’t just about the occasional worry—it’s the persistent fear, stress, and self-doubt that can creep into your daily life as a parent. It’s that voice inside asking, “Am I doing enough?” or “What if something goes wrong?”
I think we all know there’s no such thing as a perfect parent—but perfectionism does plague so many of us since many people are guided by unrealistic expectations of themselves and their children. Can you recognize when your anxiety is getting in the way of your well-being and your ability to connect with your child? Whether you’re a new parent or have adult children, parenting anxiety can have an impact on your relationship with your child(ren) and how you feel about yourself in this most important role. In this post, we’ll explore what parenting anxiety is, where it comes from, and how anxiety therapy in Oakland can help you navigate these challenges so you can take steps toward a healthier, more balanced and more present approach to parenting and build confidence and ease
What Is Parenting Anxiety? Insights from an Anxiety Therapist in Oakland
Parenting anxiety doesn’t show up as just the occasional sleepless night or moment of doubt—it’s a deeper, more persistent feeling of worry that can affect multiple areas of your life and your relationships with your kids, spouse, extended family and friends. For many parents, anxiety stems from the immense responsibility of raising another human being. You want the best for your child, but the pressure to get everything “right” can feel overwhelming.
Signs Your Parenting Anxiety Is Affecting Your Well-Being—and How Anxiety Therapy in Oakland Can Help
Pressure from parenting shows up in a multitude of ways. Here are a few parenting anxiety symptoms:
Photo credit: Unslplash on 2/18/2025
Thinking Symptoms:
Imagine lying in bed at night, mentally running through tomorrow’s schedule—drop-offs, pick-ups, homework help, meal prep—while worrying about whether you’re doing enough to support your child’s emotional growth.
You’re constantly overthinking, planning, scheduling, or catastrophizing about the future.
You replay past interactions with your child, worrying you said or did the wrong thing.
You struggle with indecision, second-guessing even small choices like what to pack for lunch or which extracurricular activity to sign up for.
Physical Symptoms:
You feel a knot in your stomach every time you get a call from your child’s school, fearing it might be bad news, even if it’s just a routine update.
Headaches, fatigue, or a tight chest.
Trouble sleeping, even when you’re exhausted, because your mind won’t stop racing.
Stomachaches or nausea, especially when faced with stressful parenting situations.
Anxious Behavior Symptoms:
You find yourself texting your teenager multiple times a day to make sure they’re okay, even though you know they’re capable of handling themselves.
Overprotectiveness, like hovering over your child during playdates or refusing to let them take age-appropriate risks.
Avoiding certain situations, such as skipping social events because you’re worried about how your child might behave.
Snapping at loved ones when the stress becomes too much, only to feel guilty afterward.
Constantly checking on your child, even when they’re safe, just to ease your worries.
It’s impossible to be a perfect parent and I actually think being perfect would do more harm than good for your child. Real people are imperfect and learning how to deal with disappointment, making mistakes, apologizing and forgiving are all valuable life lessons that can be learned in the safety of a loving parent-child relationship. I believe that what matters is recognizing when your anxiety is getting in the way of your well-being and your ability to connect with your child. If this sounds like you, it’s okay! There are ways to manage these feelings and you are learning and growing in your role as a parent. Your developing child is also learning and growing alongside of you - you’re in it together. Let’s explore where parenting anxiety comes from and how you can start to address it.
Common Causes of Parenting Anxiety: How Your Past Shapes Your Present
Parenting anxiety doesn’t come out of nowhere—it’s often rooted in very real concerns and pressures, as well as the experiences and lessons we carry from our own childhoods. The way we were parented, the examples we had (or didn’t have) for setting boundaries, and the emotional environment we grew up in all play a role in how we approach raising our own children.
For example, if you had a parent who was highly anxious—perhaps they were constantly worried about your physical health, quick to assume the worst, or easily scared by minor issues—you might have learned to view the world as a dangerous or unpredictable place. Or maybe you grew up in an unsafe environment and the people who were supposed to protect you either couldn’t, wouldn’t or were the ones hurting you. This can lead to hypervigilance as a parent, where you feel the need to constantly monitor and protect your child, even when they’re safe. On the other hand, if your parent was more neglectful or absent—maybe they were focused on survival, emotionally unavailable, or didn’t have the tools to teach you how to care for yourself—you might now feel unsure of how to set healthy boundaries or meet your child’s emotional needs.
These early experiences shape how we see ourselves as parents and how we navigate the challenges of raising children. Here are some of the most common sources of parenting anxiety:
Your Child’s Well-being: From the moment your child is born, their health and safety become your top priority. It’s natural to worry about their physical and emotional development, but when these worries become constant, they can take a toll on your mental health. If you grew up in an environment where your own needs weren’t consistently met, you might feel an extra layer of pressure to “get it right” for your child.
Fear of Not Being “Good Enough”: Many parents struggle with the fear of making mistakes or not living up to societal expectations. This can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and guilt, especially if you’re juggling multiple responsibilities. If you didn’t have a model of confident, nurturing parenting, you might question your abilities or feel like you’re constantly falling short.
Concerns About the Future: If your own childhood was marked by instability or unmet needs, you might feel an intense drive to ensure your child has a better experience—even if it means sacrificing your own well-being.Worries about whether your child is doing well in school, your child’s ability to make and keep quality friends, whether they are or will grow up to be happy and successful are a few “what if” scenarios that can fuel parental anxiety. Thinking ahead to the future can help you identify your values and priorities, but, unless there’s an important challenge or issue in the present that needs addressing, worrying about the future generally doesn’t change the outcome.
Social Comparisons: It’s hard not to compare yourself to other parents - especially since the advent of social media. You may also feel pressure or judgment from other parents, your own parents, friends, colleagues, or other family or community members. Judgment is in the air! Once you begin comparing yourself to the picture-perfect family you know or or the parent at the park who seems to have it all together, these comparisons can fuel feelings of inadequacy. And, for example, if you're struggling to manage certain behaviors or if you didn’t grow up with a strong sense of self-worth or emotional support, these comparisons can feel like real evidence that you are failing. You’re not though, because at the end of the day, your child wants your love, your attention and your approval and no one else’s.
Balancing Responsibilities: Parenting is a full-time job, but it’s not the only one. Many parents struggle to balance work, household chores, and self-care, leaving little time to recharge. If you didn’t have adults in your life who modeled healthy boundaries or self-care, you might feel guilty for taking time for yourself or struggle to prioritize your own needs. This leads to burnout and makes it really difficult to manage your own emotions and make parenting decisions from a grounded and intentional place.
Recognizing these sources of anxiety—both in the present and from your past—is the first step toward managing them.
Finding Balance as a Parent: How Anxiety Therapy in Oakland Can Support You
As an anxiety therapist in Oakland and a parent, I understand the unique pressures parents face—whether it’s the fear of making mistakes, the struggle to set boundaries, or the guilt that comes with taking time for yourself. Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles in life, and when anxiety enters the picture, it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Together, we’ll work to reframe beliefs and self-judgment so you aren’t stuck on being a “perfect” parent, but rather becoming a more present, confident, and resilient one. We’ll explore your fears, unpack the roots of your stress, and develop tools to manage the overwhelming emotions that come with parenting so you can create a more compassionate relationship with yourself and parent with more clarity and confidence.
Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation for anxiety therapy in Oakland, and let’s begin healing and tending to your well-being.
Author Bio:
Anxiety Therapist Oakland
Lara Clayman is a therapist in Oakland who specializes in working with anxiety, mixed race and multicultural adults, online therapy and trauma.
In part 2 of this blog series, we’ll dive deeper into how these worries manifest and what you can do to address them.
